Well, lemme recap, as I've been drinking and I'm sure I've left something out. I was working in what is now referred to as the "belly of the beast", which if Dante started a merch company, this would be one of the lowest level condo's available for habitation, with half your soul as a down, and pound of flesh a month, with an eternal lease. What, not enough metaphor to keep your interest??? Sorry, the ice is just hitting the glass for the second time tonight, and I'm still full from the tofurkey and vodka. I worked in a f$%#ked up merchandise company and for reasons unbenownst to me, I was actually asked NOT to work on designs for one of my most favorite bands of all time, and one that deserves all of the damn t-shirt money this fricken world has to offer! Well, kiss my squeegee, mutha-flipper, I'm doin' it on my OWN time, biotch!
So, I asks me-self, I sez, "Self! If you were a merchandiser, and your charge in this life was to maximize the "drinking cache" of one said Lemmy Kilmister, which damn shirt would you bring forth?!" So, as any well-respected metalhead would tell ya, you do your homework. I ain't gonna delve into the sales sheets from Hot Topic for the past six months, I certainly ain't gonna ask the half-witted twat they have doing their "pop mentality" art directed thoughts on the matter, of which they have NO point of reference.....nope. I go home and pour a glass, take down some of the old boxes of my youth folded neatly in stacks, and crank up a bit of the ol' "Like a Nightmare".....wait, it's comin' to me.....dude! "Gimme Some"!!!! O.k. that was easy enough. No money or time to re-create, and there it is, the classic.
This one gets approved right away, and then I get actually asked to come up with something for Urban UK stores....it ain't brain surgery, so I go "old school"...again.
Nice. Well, at least we're getting Lemmy and company a little more notice in the retail world....and I've not done anything more than show these folks a diagram of the wheel. Next, let's branch out a bit and see what turns up.
Now James Hetfield is wearing the shirts. I get comments from management saying, "he's doing a great fu$%#n' job!" "Dude, I think they want you to work on more stuff for them." Uh...can anyone say, "yeah baby!" I think I'm getting to like this.
Then, I get an voicemail, "Hey mate, would you be into doing a layout for the new album cover for Lemm? Details to follow."...Now I KNOW I'm liking this....
Sketches, changes, happy, sad, drink, smile.....better. Things pan out fairly quickly and voila! Schmuck that I am, the Gods deem it "DeVito Day" and lil' ol' me gets to do a ......wait for it....A MOTORHEAD ALBUM COVER!!!! OMFG! It does NOT get better than this. Ever. Here's the progression of what i would call seamless...others call massive amounts of change, but minor compared to things that I've seen.... plus, it's LEMMY! What that man wants, he shall have!
Well, then I get more emails, calls, etc.....can you lay out the tour line of shirts/merch for the US tour...the European tour.....can you email the art to Flip for a skateboard deck? Uh.....I think I need a drink...this is TOO cool. Can you email the art for the tour laminates? Can you check out the "Rock Out" video? It's got like...ALL your fucking artwork like ALL OVER IT!!!!
I'm geeking out like a mother fucker. Check out the tees they ask me to layout.
So, I go to the big metal show, Testament, Motorhead, Heaven & Hell and Priest....laminate from Motorhead....I'm digging this more and more....but, no Lemmy hang.....he found a girl to chase around, so I get nada. Oh well....I drink, I ponder, I am still in a daze. Life is good, so why does the new Metallica album sound like poo to me? I ain't drinkin' THAT kool-aid.
